Category Archives: adoption

You Must Have Been a Beautiful Baby . . .Not So Fast

Ugly Children

Ugly Children

Joan Rivers says that when she comes across an ugly baby and can’t think of what to say, she comments on how nice the crib is!

Here is some background in case you haven’t read my earlier posts. My older brother and I were both adopted from The Willows Maternity Sanitarium in Kansas City, Missouri. We aren’t related genetically, but grew up together and are close. As close as two complete recluses can be.

My brother is four years older. After my parents adopted him, they immediately set the wheels in motion to adopt another baby. Single child households were not common back in the late 1940’s – early 1950’s as these were the baby boom years after WWII.

In order to adopt another child, my older brother was taken to a child psychologist and interviewed. I’ve copied what the psychologist wrote about him.

Psychologist's Evaluation

Psychologist’s Evaluation

And she was dead on about my brother. From an early age, he showed incredible mechanical genius. He was a mad inventor even as a little kid. My brother made rocket fuel in the basement. He created a mechanical witch that popped out of the clothes hamper in the bathroom to scare me when I got up in the middle of the night to pee. And on and on. Mom said that whenever she visited his elementary school unannounced, he was always standing out in the hall being punished for one thing or another. Honestly, he was just bored. A.A. Hyde Elementary School didn’t appreciate his aptitude and also didn’t know how to handle him with the exception of making him stand in the hall.

In 1951, my parents were given the opportunity to adopt a baby girl (me). One month after my birth, they drove to Kansas City to pick me up. As you can see, I was skinny, very red and hairy. My eyes appeared oversized, much too big for my face.

Me at One Month.  Taken when Mom & Dad picked me up in Kansas City

Me at One Month. Taken when Mom & Dad picked me up in Kansas City

My big brother and me.

My big brother and me.


Four Month's Old

Four Month’s Old

The state of Missouri has finally changed their laws on Sealed Adoption Records. If both biological parents are dead (and you can prove it), you can petition the Court to receive a copy of your adoption file. (I have written more on this subject in earlier posts)

I finally received a very thick manila envelope of paperwork from the Circuit Court of Jackson County. Inside were pychological evaluations of my parents, letters of reference, copies of receipts, etc.

Of course, I have read through this file several times. I thought I had thoroughly read everything until yesterday when something new caught my eye!
pretty

Luckily for me, Mom didn’t see me through other people’s eyes. If she had known what the home visitor had written, that I was not pretty and not precocious, she would have driven to Kansas City and kicked her in the butt! Once they got us, Mom and Dad were the most loyal parents ever.

Below is copied from a letter that Mom wrote to the social worker in Kansas City. (a copy of her letter was in my big manila evelope)

Her hair is very dark for a tiny baby and her head is beautifully shaped. I have seen pretty babies, but none as pretty as Jan. Now, if we can just teach her all the things that must go with her being so beautiful.

I wish our pictures truly could show you how sweet our baby is, but some day we will be in Kansas City and we will bring her to see you.

Thanks Mom and Dad! R.I.P.

Scandal at The Willows Maternity Sanitarium when Singer Borrows Baby to Defraud ex-Hubby

I was born and adopted from The Willows Maternity Sanitarium in Kansas City, Missouri. During its heyday, the Willows advertised “Superior Babies for Adoption”. After searching for newspaper articles that made reference to The Willows, I came across a scandal that involved The Willows in 1924. (If you would like more background information on The Willows, please see my earlier posts)

The Willows Maternity Sanitarium, Kansas City, Missouri

The Willows Maternity Sanitarium, Kansas City, Missouri

Miss Lydia Locke appeared at the Willows Maternity Hospital in 1924 calling herself Mrs. Ira Johnson of Hannibal, Missouri. She had references in place and the Willows was satisfied enough with her story that she left with a newborn baby boy. Miss Locke allegedly “borrowed” that baby in order to receive an additional sum from her wealthy ex-husband, Arthur Hudson Marks. In the divorce decree she received $100,000 but was assured an additional $300,000 in case a child was born to her. (the amounts varied depending on the newspaper) She obtained a birth certificate from the family physician naming the baby boy “Arthur Hudson Marks, Jr.”

The Marks were divorced in September of 1923. Apparently Miss Locke was mathematically challenged or unaware of the average gestational period for humans, but in October of 1924 she appeared in New York with the baby. Miss Locke contacted her ex-husband and asked him to acknowledge the baby as his own.

Mr. Marks, not so biologically or mathematically challenged as Miss Locke, employed private detectives to learn how she obtained the baby. The poor little baby, now six weeks old, was ordered returned to the Willows Maternity Sanitarium. The articles don’t say what became of the infant. In any event, he was better off without the looney Miss Locke.

locke-nov8-1925-color
bride

palm off baby

Date:  Tuesday, Nov. 11, 1924  Paper:  Boston Herald (Boston, MA)

Date: Tuesday, Nov. 11, 1924 Paper: Boston Herald (Boston, MA)

Before adoption became a compassionate process of placing children in healthy homes, it was more like the dog pound. Below is a clipping from 1906 for “The Willows” that reads like a “free to a good home” pet adoption ad.
free to a good home

A Very Fun Holiday Gift for Anyone — DNA Testing for Genealogy & Family Origins. Come on, you know you are curious!

I’ve tested my DNA at both http://www.familytreedna.com and at http://www.23andme.com     Because I am adopted, I used the Family Finder test at familytreedna to verify my paper trail.  I waited until I knew who my biological father was and even until I had talked to his son on the phone.  In fact, I never had to bring up the subject.  His son told me that a DNA test would prove my theory and said that he would be willing to take one.  I ordered the test for him and it proved correctly that we are 1/2 siblings.

But DNA testing can show so much more.  It seems like everyone I talk to believes that they have some Native American blood.  I thought I did also as I have dark hair and eyes.  And my complexion is “olive” or “ruddy”.  I had to look up the definition of ruddy to make sure I was using it correctly & I am. But I found that my ancestry composition is 99.9% European and .1% East Asian & Native American.

rud·dy

/ˈrədē/
Adjective

(of a person’s face) Having a healthy red color.

At 23andme, it is about finding your relatives, but also about your health & how your genes determine your chances for disease.  Under “My Health”, 23andme has the following categories — disease risk, carrier status and drug response.

One of the most interesting things I discovered is that  3.1%  of my DNA is from Neanderthals.  That puts me in the upper 98% percentile.  Average Northern Europeans on their site have an average of 2.6% Neanderthal.  Being in the upper 2% is like being in an exclusive group like Mensa, only with much more hair.  I always wondered why my toes made my feet look like they belonged to a Hobbit.  23andme also sells t-shirts  that correspond with the correct Neanderthal percentage.

3.1% Neanderthal

3.1% Neanderthal

23andme recently acquired new financing that allows them to permanently lower their test from $290.00 to $99.00. This is an incredible bargain. Their goal is to attract one million new customers this year. That will make matching with relatives so much easier.

I’ve copied the following from 23andme’s Press Release of Dec. 11, 2012.

23andMe Raises More Than $50 Million in New Financing

Company Sets Growth Goal Of One Million Customers, Reduces Price to $99 from $299

MOUNTAIN VIEW, Calif. – December 11, 2012 – 23andMe, Inc., the leading personal genetics company, today announced it has raised more than $50 million in a Series D financing. Participants in the financing include Yuri Milner, a new investor, as well as existing investors Sergey Brin, 23andMe CEO Anne Wojcicki, New Enterprise Associates, Google Ventures and MPM Capital. This investment will help the company achieve its growth goal of one million customers.

The Power of One Million People

Expanding the company’s ability to reach and serve one million individuals supports 23andMe’s goal to revolutionize health and wellness. It also will accelerate 23andMe’s ability to create a powerful platform that enables researchers around the globe to make meaningful discoveries significantly faster than is currently possible. With this expansion, 23andMe, which currently has more than 180,000 customers, will aim to:

  • Enable groundbreaking research by creating an exponentially larger collective of actively engaged, genotyped individuals;
  • Help accelerate development of new treatments;
  • Improve understanding of wellness and disease prevention; and
  • Broaden access for people seeking to manage their health and well-being through direct access and greater understanding of their own genetic data.

“A community of one million actively engaged individuals will be transformational for research. A community of this magnitude will improve researchers’ ability to quickly answer questions about genetic function and the role of environmental factors. In addition, it will enable researchers to understand medication efficacy and side effects, in both medications that exist today and medications are that are in development,” Wojcicki added.

Broadening Access: Lowering Price to $99

The Series D investment, combined with rapidly decreasing costs associated with genetic testing technologies, enables 23andMe to reduce the price of its Personal Genome Service to $99, effective immediately. The company will continue to evaluate optimal pricing strategies.

The investment also enables 23andMe to expand the necessary infrastructure to support growth in its research and operational capabilities, including product development, genetic research, software development, recruitment and marketing.

More Thoughts on Adoption, Adoptees and Adoptive Parents

My daughter called me tonight and we talked a bit about my blog. I said that I am trying to be sensitive since I am dealing with the lives of my very much loved relatives. Adoption as it pertains to me was due to babies being born to unmarried mothers. It was a hidden event during the forties, fifties & sixties. And since then, everything has changed. My adopted mother, Harriett, was very aware of this change in social mores and wrote me this poignant note in 1995. I clipped out the center part of the letter as it revealed too much personal information about one of her friend’s unmarried granddaughters who chose to keep her baby.

Letter from my Mother Harriett

My parents never concealed the fact that I was adopted. All of the announcements contained the word adopted and it was never a secret in our family. Harriett & Ray were such great parents that I am surprised that Harriett would ever have any doubts in her skills.  As a parent, though, I know I have many regrets as to my parenting skills (or total lack of).  But as immature as I was, at least I got a chance to grow up with my daughter .  And I am still sorry that I never created a fabulous baby book — but of course Nanny (Harriett) did that for me.

Janet K. Page Adoption Notices

Adoption, Adoptees, Adoptive Parents

From 1940 until about 1970, up to 4 million mothers in the United States surrendered their newborn babies to the adoption process.

I’ve copied the text below from Wikipedia

Adoption is a process whereby a person assumes the parenting for another and, in so doing, permanently transfers all rights and responsibilities, along with filiation, from the original parent or parents. Modern systems of adoption, arising in the 20th century, tend to be governed by comprehensive statutes and regulations.

Beginning in the 1940s and 1950s, illegitimacy began to be defined in terms of psychological deficits on the part of the mother. At the same time, a liberalization of sexual mores combined with restrictions on access to birth control led to an increase in premarital pregnancies. In most cases, adoption was presented to the mothers as the only option and little or no effort was made to help the mothers keep and raise the children.

All of that said, I was an extremely lucky newborn and was adopted into a loving and secure family. While I was searching through old photographs today, I found the cross stitch picture that my Mom made for us. They truly felt this way about us and we never doubted their love or loyalty.

Mom’s Adoption Embroidery

Finally, Here is a Post on my Adopted Family’s Ancestry

My adopted ancestors came to Kansas in covered wagons & first lived in sod houses. David Shaver (1846-1936) was one of twelve children born to Silas and Elizabeth Shaver. He was born and grew up in Laurel, Indiana. At the age of 17, David enlisted in the Union army in Company M and A of the Sixth Indiana Cavalry and served until the end of the war.

In September 1871, he came to Kansas and took a homestead about eight miles southeast of Lincoln, Kansas. My grandmother, Reva Shaver Page, was one of David’s daughters. Reva was the mother of my adopted father, Raymond F. Page. Reva lived in Kansas from 1891-1983.

Reva’s brothers Clem, Ray and Carl all went together to fight in the Spanish-American War.

The following is what Grandma told me — from left is Clem (Clement Montfort Shaver, 1867-1903), Ray (Raymond Steven Shaver, 1871-1905) and Carl (Carl Waltz Shaver, 1874-1954). The man standing on the far right was a friend and I don’t know his name.

The Shaver Brothers, photo taken before they went to the Spanish-American War

Do You Remember Dottye?

I’ve been a lot more researching than just looking for records online.  I’ve also sent my DNA to be analyzed at http://www.familytreedna.com and http://www.23andme.com.  Both of these sites will match your particular DNA with others & predict how closely you are related.
Familytreedna calls their test “Family Finder” and 23andme calls their test “Relative Finder”.

They both use autosomal DNA (inherited from both the mother and father, four grandparents, eight great-grandparents, etc.) to provide you a breakdown of your ethnic percentages and connect you with relatives descended from any of your ancestral lines within approximately the last 5 generations.

And, if you wish to share your DNA ancestry with people who haven’t tested with either of these companies, you can go to http://www.gedmatch.com and upload your autosomal DNA data in order to compare it with a broader audience.

All of that said — I got a message one day from Wendy saying something to the effect, “Hi, we are related as Distant Cousins.”  At that time I didn’t know as much as I do know about my biological family, so I replied that I was adopted at birth and didn’t have a lot to share.
Wendy replied that she was adopted also — and expressed how ironic it was that two adopted people with no knowledge of family background would match!  Wendy has a powerful blog — it is about her search for her biological background, adoption and all that she has done to try to uncover her past.  The text copied below is from Wendy’s blog

   http://rememberdottye.webs.com/

Dottye Robertson Moore

I began looking for my birth mother on the day that I turned 18 in Columbus Ohio. When I entered the court I had thought that I would leave with my adoption records in hand. After the clerk laughed at my request she informed me that Ohio is a closed records state, and that I would be leaving with no such file.

It was 14 and a half years later, with the help of Reunite of Ohio Inc. that I was given my first mothers name.

Dottye Moore

The following day I found out that she had died in a car accident in 1973, and I was also given the name of my sister.

More about the “System” at the Family Court in Jackson County, Missouri

Since the law allowing adoptees to receive identifying information was passed in 2011, there has been a huge amount of interest and it has created a backlog of adoptee’s cases waiting for review. There is a very small staff available for this review and they feel the need to cross all t’s and dot the i’s. Individuals requesting information have a several month waiting period before their file reaches the top of the pile. The request for information is not the top priority of the Family Court. The Family Court attorney has so many other activities to pursue like child welfare, support and family disputes that reviewing the adoptees’ requests is at the bottom of their list of priorities.

Because they are such sticklers for detail, they even feel the need to “review” requests when the birth parent would be over 100 years of age. I guess the parent might still be alive, but it is doubtful. I can only imagine the Court interviewing the birth parent in their respective nursing home. The poor birth parent probably wouldn’t remember what they had for breakfast, that they once had children or that they even had sex for that matter.

Perhaps it would benefit the Court to temporarily hire someone to clean up the backlog and free the Court Attorney to work on more pressing matters. But again, I am not a stickler for detail or even for keeping secrets that are no longer important to most people. My adoptive parents told me from day one that I was adopted. We had way too many cousins in the family who would have known the truth and we all know how children love to keep family secrets — not.

I know passing legislation is difficult. And then once it has been passed, even more difficult to enforce when there isn’t enough staff in place. My answer to the problem is to simply make the records available once the adoptee is of a certain age. Or if the birth parents are dead. Wait, isn’t that what they just passed? So why the wait and why all of the review? Anyone with a computer can access the Social Security Death Index (SSDI) which contains over 90,000,000 records.

Just Found Out That Ms. Schottel is not the Problem

ugh, I hate to have to admit failure, but poor Ms. Schottel is only the poor creature that stops the buck that falls on the Jackson County Family Court when angry adult adoptees (like me) strike. I wish to publicly apologize to Ms. Schottel. Especially if I exasperated your Chron’s Disease, Colitis or Irritable Bowel Syndrome.

Unless you are an adoptee who has been searching for years and years, it is hard to imagine the incredible buildup of anger that occurs. When you know that there is a “forbidden” sealed file hidden somewhere with all of the secrets of your being & you can’t see it — a storm starts forming in your brain. I personally have known a couple of “adoptees” whose lives didn’t end well because of this.

Again, Ms. Schottel, I am sorry. I know I couldn’t do your job for ten minutes. I would tell everyone to meet me outside after work and I’d spill the beans about the entire contents of their sealed records. The entire culture has shifted & to continue to keep these secrets would be more than I could bear.

I first received a copy of my “void” birth certificate from an anonymous search angel in the 1970’s. It arrived in a plain envelope after I had requested help from one adoption help site or another. Because this was before the internet, all of this was done in “writing”. How antiquated.

I continued searching, but because the internet hadn’t been formed — it was tough going. There are so many kind individuals working within the system willing to risk their jobs to send you info.

I next asked for help about finding my father’s identity and I got a phone call from another “search angel” telling me his name — William L. Engle. Oh joy, now I know the identity of both of my parents. Only now I have to fit the pieces together.

I have had many people tell me over the years that I should feel lucky that my mother chose life. After finding out more about my mother & father, I feel lucky that they both ordered that additional “Manhattan” or “Whiskey Sour” that lowered their inhibitions enough to let them “go to town” and create me. I wish to thank “Jim Beam” or “Johnny Walker” for giving me life and the fact that abortion wasn’t legal.

Kansas City was the Adoption Hub of America

copied from the Kansas City Public Library  http://www.kclibrary.org/kchistory/adoption

Adoptions

Two factors made Kansas City the “baby hub” of the United States: the railroads and only one child placement agency, the adoption department of the Juvenile Court.

Parents from all over the United States used to pack their pregnant, unwed daughters onto the train and send them to Kansas City where taxis waited at the station to transport them to one of several maternity homes, including The Willows, Fairmount, St. Vincent’s, Florence Crittenton, Kansas City Cradle, and others. In 1929, “292 young women from 25 states slipped into Kansas City that year to give birth at The Willows, the city’s largest maternity home.” And scores more came to the others.

Reporter Norma Lee Browning wrote in the Chicago Sunday Tribune Grafic Magazine on July 2, 1950, “There is one city, however, that has solved its own ‘black market’ baby problems by devising a simplified court adoption system that has gained a nation-wide reputation for its high standards, fine work, and success in the child placement field. That is Kansas City, Mo. The adoption court there places about 1,000 babies a year, thus making it one of the largest and possibly ‘the’ largest child placement agency in AMERICA.”

When attitudes began changing in the 1960s and ‘70s, most of these homes closed.

Because so many children were adopted in Kansas City during the first half of the twentieth century, the Missouri Valley Special Collections department receives numerous requests for information about the maternity homes and also about their records. We have information about the homes, but we do not have any records.

The following excerpts are from a booklet titled “By-Paths and Cross-Roads; Accidents of Fair Travelers on the Highway of Life”, published by The Willows Maternity Sanitarium, primarily for physicians, copyright 1918 by E. P. Haworth.

The Willows Maternity Sanitarium is an institution devoted exclusively to the care and seclusion of unfortunate young women, offering them congenial, homelike surroundings before confinement and exceptional medical and hospital care during delivery and convalescence. In most cases arrangements are also made for the finding of a home for the patient’s baby for adoption.

The institution will not knowingly accept a young woman of the immoral or degenerate type, its service being reserved for worthy and deserving young women who have made a misstep and who face social and moral ruin. The Willows’ method is the safe, Christian and ethical solution to one of the most difficult problems of the medical community.

Early entrance during gestation is important for preparing the patient for accoutrement through systematic hygienic methods and massage. A special system of abdominal and perineal massage has been originated for preventing striae gravidarum and as an aid to labor. The abdominal markings of a single girl, caused by carrying a child, are telltale signs that might be discovered at any time and cause her misfortune to become known. This combination of massages, including the skin, perineal and vaginal massage, has been successful in sending numbers of girls, who have taken them, away from The Willows without marks or signs to show of their experience.

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